To Beef or Not to Beef

I was thinking more about my primary role in the project of remodeling. First, I dreamed up the plans to a high degree. My husband and son were also instrumental in that part of it, and it was often my son who helped us get out of the box of what my husband and I thought was possible. We explored wild thoughts of moving the stairway, and taking plumbing to new places. Then reason would prevail, and we would find something more practical that would work. I would have the last word, because, let's be honest, I'm the fussiest.

My son pretty much designed the kitchen, which turned out beautifully. My husband made the plan for our bedroom/bathroom remodel, but the details of the finished look came from me. It is the details that I’m going to talk about now.

If you are proactive about what you want, your menfolk will be much more cheerful about accommodating your preferences. It’s when you don’t say anything, and they (invariably) do it “wrong,” and then you protest, that tempers grow thin. At that point, you’ve got a decision to make:

A) To Beef. It is either really a bad enough “mistake” that it has to be redone, and
you need to say something immediately.

B) Not to Beef. It does bother you, but not enough to require redoing the job. Sister,
this is a time to hold your tongue. If you aren’t going to have the job redone,
then DON’T SAY ANYTHING!!!

Men work so hard for us, and it’s very discouraging to never have anything they do be “right.” Take responsibility for the fact that you didn’t think it through ahead of time, you didn’t say anything, and now you’re going to live with it. So do it graciously. If you complain when there is nothing to be done about it, you sap the energy force in your universe needlessly. I’m here to tell you I did way too much after the fact complaining. The reason I’m telling you, is in the hopes that it will help you to be more proactive about your project.

To a high degree, you don’t know what you don’t know (a saying I got from my dear sister). Meaning, until the moment you see that it’s done “wrong,” you didn’t know that it had to be done “right.” That’s hard to avoid. But whatever you can think through, and talk about ahead of time will help.

For instance, if you’re installing a light in a new closet space, you might say “Please center the light in the ceiling space. It might not occur to you that they might not center it, but if they don’t, and you didn’t say anything......... you see where this is going. This is incredible detail that we’re talking about. But once done is done, it is physically and emotionally very draining, for everything to be met with criticism.

So when you are in the planning stages, describe EVERYTHING in your vision. Right down to “I think the sink needs a new faucet, the kind with just one handle, and with a pull out nozzle that’s also a spray hose, and I think it should sit squarely and snugly on the sink.” Otherwise, when the faucet is replaced with two knobs and sits cockeyed on the sink, jiggling a little when you push on it, you’re left with the unpleasant task of saying “This won’t do.” And whoever did the work is going to resent being told to do it over. I’m telling you that what seems obvious to you isn’t necessarily obvious to them. Create your vision in all its infinite detail. Think it, say it, describe every single thing you see in your minds eye, and do it AHEAD of time!!!!!

Joy in the Journey